I was overjoyed because I had achieved the impossible. I, Samantha Moon, had made everyone in the office happy by supplying them with Turkish Delight from my family holiday to Turkey. My colleagues behaved worse than the children in Jessica’s class, consuming their delights like piranhas and fighting for the final few sweets. 

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It is true what they say in our industry, "It doesn’t have to be complicated to be effective.". I am grateful for that, considering half of our employees at HDM (Humpty Dumpty Marketing, as I call it) are simpletons where the highlights of their day are birthday cakes or foreign candy supplied by co-workers. I seriously need to think about leaving this job.

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On Friday, Bernie was stressed out because we were potentially going to lose an account due to a takeover. Bernie sent me to meet Steve Wright, who was the MD of the takeover company. Steve Wright was a dish, and when he promised me that he would keep the account with HDM, he asked if it would be appropriate for him to contact me on my mobile number, to which I said yes. I didn't think anything of it. When I returned to the office and gave Bernie the good news, he was delighted.

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After work, I picked up Jessica from a birthday party and made a deal with her: her piece of the party bag birthday cake for one of my old credit cards, so she could shop when she got home. I have to confess that wine, cake and sweets are my weaknesses, and I must hold a world record for the speed at which I get through a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. I know, it's really nothing to be proud of.

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That evening, I had organised the perfect dinner party with Fiona White, our Finance Director and Michelle Roberts, our HR Director. I served up a simple dinner to everyone’s liking, which was Prawn Cocktail, Coq Au Vin and Pavlova, and after consuming a lot of wine and laughing until my sides were splitting, I literally fell into bed at 3 am and went out like a light.

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The next morning, I woke up with a sandpaper mouth and my five-year-old Jessica holding my phone next to the bed. I vaguely remember giving it to her as a way of getting her to go to sleep the night before, and with strict instructions that she was only allowed to play ‘Doodle Jump’. However, I saw one missed call and six text messages from the MD of the takeover company, Steve Wright.

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With a pounding head and a sick feeling in my stomach, I scrolled through my phone.

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1 missed call from Steve Wright.

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘So what are your goals, Miss Moon? LOL x’.

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1 message sent to Steve Wright written by five-year-old Jessica Moon: ‘love u’.

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I kicked myself for teaching my five-year-old how to text!

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘You are building my awareness, Miss Moon. LOL x’.

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1 message sent to Steve Wright written by Jessica: ‘yes’.

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I was dreading the next message; Jessica could write better than my husband and hold a conversation with the King without stopping to take a breath.

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘I can see so many opportunities for us, Miss Moon. LOL x’.

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1 message sent to Steve Wright written by Jessica: ‘kiss x’.

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘You don’t say a lot, I like that in a woman. LOL x’.

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1 message sent to Steve Wright written by Jessica: ‘i like mac donald's’.

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘Would you like me to buy you a Happy Meal? I like toys. LOL x’.

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1 message sent to Steve Wright written by Jessica: ‘i love toys x’.

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1 message from Steve Wright: ‘You naughty little minx. LOL x’.

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Jessica must have fallen asleep because the messages ended there, thank god.

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My Monday didn’t start well because I had to confess to Bernie about the fact that Jessica had potentially sabotaged the deal with Mr Wright.

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"This isn’t good, Samantha," Bernie said, and I was very sorry for letting him and the company down and for teaching my five-year-old to use my phone.

 

I wrote to Steve Wright to explain about my inquisitive five-year-old, and he wrote back to apologise for his consumption of too much vino and his inappropriate drunken behaviour. We agreed that nothing else needed to be said about it, and everything was to go ahead as suggested.

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I bought Jessica a Barbie mobile phone and explained to her that she wasn’t to touch mummy’s phone, to which she replied, "You should use a password on your phone, mummy."

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Sometimes she's so sassy, I don't know where she gets that from. She makes me so proud but so frustrated. How can she be more clever than my husband already? How will I win arguments with her when she's 10? It scares me thinking about it. Max is such an easy child, oblivious to what's going on around him. He doesn't enjoy school. Every night, Jessica helps him with his spellings and homework; he'd be lost without her. Andy can't spell, and I'm normally working late. I really need to get my priorities right. 

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That night, I sat at my desk and started to write my next article for Marketing Minds Monthly. ‘Should business women use all their assets when trying to seal a deal?’. I'm pushing my luck with that one, but that's why people read the articles. I do question my sanity every night before the lights go out and Andy starts to snore. 

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Samantha. xx

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Written by Rachel Roussell

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Chapter 1 - Meet Samantha Moon

Chapter 2 - Marketing and the menstrual cycle.

Chapter 3 - Steve Wright LOL x.

Chapter 4 - 50 shades of Samantha Moon.

Chapter 5 - Who do they think you are?