• Rachel Roussell

Find your castle and look out for the polar bear

The theory behind ‘find your castle and look out for the polar bear’ can be applied to just about all situations in life.

I’ve found my castle and I know what a polar bear is capable of.

Let me explain…

Humans are interesting creatures, we come in all different shapes, sizes and mentality. We fight wars, we live for love - whether that be for another person or a passion, we exist and then we don’t.

As people, we grow, we smell the roses, we deal with the crap and during that process we choose how to deal with things.

Existing is tough a lot of the time but there are times of joy and fulfilment, that’s life.

During your existence you should find a comfort zone and learn how to deal with fear.

Find your castle - your comfort zone

Whether life is rosy, you’re skint, you’re bonkers, your health isn’t good or you are filled with regret - you need to have a castle. You don’t need to buy one, visualize your castle in your head.

You should stand and look at that castle.

The castle must be on a hill in the distance surrounded by water. There has to be a bridge and stepping stones leading all the way back to where you are standing.

Someone lives in the castle and that someone has to be so special to you, a person you love and respect, in most cases it will be someone you have loved and lost.

My person is my nanna who passed away when I was 10.

You are allowed to visit your castle whenever you like, so you walk on the stepping stones and over the bridge into the arms of that special person. Soak in the happiness, tell them your stories and find comfort sharing things that are weighing on your mind.

That special person can’t fix things for you and you can’t stay in the castle - you have to come back to reality. You have to say goodbye, go over the bridge, across the stepping stones and cherish that experience.

You can go back as many times as you like and you may not need to visit your castle again for days, months or even years.

Your castle is your place for escapism, a free-thinking space - your comfort zone.

If your angry, sad, scared, nervous, excited or feeling any kind of emotion that you want to deal with go across the stepping stones to your castle and share your thoughts.

The polar bear - face the fear zone

In this section I'm going to explain about a coping strategy.

Imagine, you’re standing in your home and you have to get out but one hundred meters from your front door is a polar bear - it looks cuddly but we all know they are white, fluffy, predators that can rip you apart. That's scary....!

In comparison, that bear could be an angry relative, an irate boss, a battlefield, an interview panel or a deadly disease.

A natural reaction on being approached by an angry and hungry polar bear is run! Unless of course, you are a trained bear handler or you have a weapon.

That sort of fear (at a different level) that you sometimes have for an interview, a battle, coping with an illness or all those other things that put the fear of god in you.

What should you do if that polar bear is outside of your home and you need to get out or you are doing a presentation at work that you are really nervous about?

Your pulse rate has gone up, the adrenaline is pumping around your body, your lips are dry, you can hardly speak and you want to throw up (a bit dramatic but I'm sure you get where I'm coming from).

What should you do next?

  • Stop! For starters, the bear may look angry and hungry but he might not be. The interview panel might not consist of arrogant, intimidating managers, they could be welcoming and sympathetic

  • Before you leave your home or do something else that puts the fear of god in you, turn that fear into productive thinking unless you are happy to curl up in a ball on the ground, cry and get eaten or give up fighting for something you really want

  • Try positive thinking… Potentially the polar bear has been fed already and it will mind its own business. The polar bear could be kind, wise and a happy bear just passing its time of day

  • Weigh up your options and face the music - for example, if a relationship isn't working and you are scared to end things, make sure it's what you really want and work out the best way to deal with it knowing anyway is going to be painful

  • Take the consequences, good or bad and move on - harsh but true (unless you've been eaten by the bear)

Dealing with your life challenges can be really hard but just because things on first look seem awful and there’s no hope, don’t panic and give up. Just stop and think.

Choose to think first and try to make sense of it all…

When faced with fear... push the red button that you have created in your mind and look at your options. Do I choose retaliation or walk away?

Worst-case scenario, you get eaten by the polar bear (or the scary interview you’ve gone for went horribly wrong). Nothing lasts forever, not the pain of being eaten or the shame of flunking an interview or business meeting etc…

What I am hoping to give you in this article is the power to find comfort and a little bit of advice about dealing with challenges.

Someday everything will make perfect sense, in the meantime laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

I’ve dealt with many polar bears in my time and my castle is pink!

Being a little bit mad can free up a lot of space in your brain. Taking life too seriously is stressful and not good for your health.

#emotions #fear #comfort

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Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom - 07800887857 rachel.roussell@gmail.com

Copyright Rachel Roussell 2021